


i wanna name our kids

by heterocosmica



Series: Happy Snape family AU [4]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crushes, F/M, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, In several ways, One-Sided Attraction, POV Lily Evans Potter, also people are allowed to have flaws, and just to be safe let me also tag this as, but she's just a kid ok, i promise her character is going to grow in this series but you have to start somewhere, not lily bashing but this one isn't very kind to her, one sided snily
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-14
Updated: 2019-09-14
Packaged: 2020-10-18 10:03:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20637341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heterocosmica/pseuds/heterocosmica
Summary: Lily Evans falls in love.*From the summer of '68 to the summer of '74.





	i wanna name our kids

**Author's Note:**

> Part of the Happy Snape family AU. This is the first piece of writing I'm publishing as a part of this AU but there will certainly be more (though most likely not in chronological order, I tried, it just wasn't working for me). If you want to check out more of this AU (including the edits) check out my [tumblr tag for it](http://heterocosmica.tumblr.com/tagged/snape-family). Hope you have as much fun with this as I am!
> 
> *
> 
> comments on my fics are always moderated, hate will not be published, if you don't like Snape just don't read this.  
*  
If you can't read Lily as anything but a perfect person who's never done anything wrong then, I'm sorry but this fic and my story in general are not for you. This isn't by any means a Lily-bashing story (nor is this a Lily-bashing series) but she has to start somewhere so she could grow and also, people are allowed to have flaws and still be good people (*ahem*).  
Lily bashing in the comments will not be tolerated, though if you would like to have a discussion on her character, in the books or in my series specifically, feel free to comment or message me on tumblr, she's been the hardest to pinpoint for this and I'd love some input.

She sees him and swoons as the Universe clicks into place. Yes, that must be what it is, because what else could it be, when like meets like? When she meets her soulmate, right there, in their shabby park, at the edges of Cokeworth, the world stops spinning and everything is suddenly right.

Or, at least, that's what she thinks it is. Or what it must be. Because why else would her knees feel so weak, her face so warm, and her hands so shaky the very moment she meets his eyes?

But his eyes slide over her with no interest before settling on her sister.

He sneers. Tuney sneers. He says something. Tuney says something. The boy next to him says something that makes Tuney scoff and the little girl whose hand he's holding giggle. She can't comprehend any of it. It all suddenly sounds like a buzz. Like the crackling of a record too damaged to be listened to clearly anymore. All she can focus on, all she can think of, is him. And the flower she saw him make bloom. Like magic.

*

She can do it too. She knows she can. She can do a swing flip so she must be able to jump over the filthy creak like she'd seen his sister do, and she can certainly make flowers bloom like she'd seen him do. Except she can't. Well, she can jump over the creek, that's hardly something requiring effort, but blooming a flower? Doing something so touchy and delicate? She just can't manage it.

And she hates it, hates it, hates it so much. Hates that he won't look at her or speak to her. Hates that her heart pounds whenever he's around but he seems completely unaffected. Hates that he's always skulking around with that redhead boy. Hates how both of them look at Tuney as if she's a toad like they'd never seen before, but they don't seem to be aware of her existence.

And she thinks, this is her journey. Like a heroine in all those serial romances her Ma keeps in the crate under the potatoes, she is fighting for her unrequited love, working hard and improving herself, and once she figures out how to bloom a flower all on her own, she would be worthy.

*

The Irish boy seems fond of Tuney. But then again, boys do seem to be equally fond of and vile towards her sister. None of them really look at her, her sister inserting herself into every interaction she has with any boy, selfishly. Still, she thinks maybe the Irish boy liking her sister could help her in the long run.

She could get her Tuney to like the Irish boy, and then the boy would bring him around, and then she would-

Or maybe he would-

Well, no matter, in the end they would be happily in love.

*

She doesn't mean to stare or sneak around but she just can't help it. She just doesn't understand how long it is supposed to take, this whole "course of true love" thing, but she doesn't like the waiting one bit. After all, how dare he not be utterly in love with her after she has spent three whole years pining, or whatever it is that she's doing.

But now she's in the bushes, staring at him braiding flowers into his sisters hair in the park and she just wants to approach him. She wants to get closer, touch his hand, ask him about how he makes the flowers bloom. She wants to discover these special powers they have in common, hand in hand.

He doesn't.

She conveniently ignores the fact that his sister seems to have the same powers. And that he seems to be not at all mystified by them. And that she's still crouching in the bushes staring at a boy who's never even properly looked at her.

*

Hogwarts! She's going to Hogwarts and he's going to Hogwarts and they're going to be there together and they'll become best friends and then one day he will look at her and see that she's all he ever wanted and then they'd kiss and-

Well, maybe not.

She tries to find him on the train but with that Potter boy following her it's pretty hard to make a move so she mostly spends the day annoyed, wishing for him to come by. He doesn't but a trip to the bathroom tells her he's in a crowded compartment full of other first years, sitting leg to leg with some girl. It doesn't make her day any better.

Still, pushing through the crowd and into the same boat that he's in could bring this day around.

*

Alice is a... well, friend is a strong word but, she's a classmate that shares her dorm. She is kind, almost to a fault. She's plain, almost incredibly average looking, it must be a talent. She's very good at taking history of magic notes and kindly offers to share them every time. And she's very fond of flowers.

So she can't fault Alice for anything there.

Not a single thing.

And yet, every time Alice speaks, she wants to throw a book at her stupid face and scream and-

The Universe has felt shaken ever since they got here. She thought it would be a new chance, away from Tuney who butts into all of her business and the Irish boy and his little sister who just never stops talking and thinks she's just soooo smaaart, but no. He's still not her friend.

But he's friends with Alice. Well, friend is a strong word. He sits silently at the same library desk as Alice and they occasionally share snacks.

It's more than she gets in any way.

*

She is not petty, she really isn't. She's not petty and she's not mean and she will never, ever, be either of those things but...

All right, maybe she can hold a grudge.

And it's really not a big deal, is it? After all, Alice loves toads. She has a toad. So putting tadpoles in her bed, well, that was less of a mean prank and more of a- a- a gift!

Maybe it is a big deal.

It gets him to talk to her. He approaches her in the library one day, gives her a very stilted and rough talk about respecting people's boundaries and 'do you want to be expelled and sent back home?' and she hates it.

And maybe she hates Alice a bit, too.

*

On the train home, she sits with the other girls in her house. Well, and him. And Frank.

He sits in a corner next to the window, Alice squished up against his other side, and reads some potions book. She asks about it but he doesn't answer, instead, Alice explains that Professor Slughorn had given him special permission to take the book home.

It makes her annoyed but Frank, seated right across him and Alice, seems suitably impressed.

In fact, her question prompts Alice and Frank to start up a conversation on the Hogwarts Library rules, which he then joins in on, and before long, everyone is discussing the rule changes from the time of their parents to now and she feels left out.

Admittedly, Marlene is a Muggleborn, like her, but even Marlene seems to have read up on the history of the magical world and its quirks.

Everybody around her seems to know so much, about the culture and protocols and history, all the things that seemed both unimportant and alienating to her. The things she didn't really bother with.

She feels a bit of shame, but mostly she just feels angry and annoyed that they're all talking about things she knows nothing about, as if they're deliberately excluding her.

It all ends rather abruptly when a couple of Hufflepuff boys come by their compartment and poke their heads in with an 'oi, Snape, wanna play gobstones?' and he leaves, waving Alice goodbye.

*

Tuney asks questions all the time.

About the school.

About the food.

About the fashion and the culture and the people.

About her friends.

She hates it. She's a good student and she could talk about magic and the fun of being at a boarding school forever but her sister's questions make her feel like she's being mocked. Like Tuney's waiting for an 'AHA!' moment. Like Tuney knows there are times when she doesn't belong.

But her sister never asks about him. Not even once. As if she's unaware that they go to the same school. As if she hasn't noticed how tormented her little sister is.

Maybe it's because Tuney talks to his mother and his annoying little sister. In fact, she learns from her own mother that Tuney had been watching the neighbourhood kids during the school year.

She wants to ask her sister about it, about him and if she has any information on him or what he thinks of her, but she seems to lack the courage when the moment is right.

When she does ask, near the end of August, Petunia just gives her a pitying look and says 'oh, do leave the poor boy alone, Lily'.

*

She gives him a wide breadth for the first few months, only looking at him from a distance. They don't have many joint classes with Hufflepuff, anyway, only Herbology, so it ends up being far too easy.

She misses him.

Or maybe she just misses the fantasy.

She manages to last almost the whole first semester, before succumbing and slipping back into her old patterns of not really (but yes) stalking.

All new information this gives her is that he's fond of cats, but she considers it a win.

*

First week of the summer brings odd changes. She notices Petunia gets more looks now than ever before. More men approach her. Even more just stare as she walks by.

Less boys notice her, but that is to be expected, when she's walking next to her older sister with her perfectly styled hair, bright fashionable dresses, and the cloud of perfume that follows her.

It doesn't bother her until she notices the Irish boy and him looking at Petunia, too.

They look and they follow and, while he mostly looks bored and the Irish boy mostly looks enamoured, she catches glimpses of him giving her sister contemplative looks. And, worst of all, she catches him blushing whenever Petunia meets his gaze.

Petunia, for her part, seems mostly annoyed and amused, but why would Petunia even care? She sneaks out almost every night, comes home in the early morning hours with fabrics and sweets and perfume. What would she need a couple of poor boys for?

And mother and father intermittently turn a blind eye, pretending nothing is happening, and whisper when they think she can't hear them about Petunia 'whorin' around town'.

A few times, she comes home to mother ransacking Petunia's room, searching for anything that shouldn't be there. More than a few times, she comes home to an eerie house, to see her mother scrubbing the living room carpet and her sister, with a thick layer of powder on her face, preparing dinner.

She's not sure what any of it means but Petunia seems more irate and cold lately and she can't help but think that maybe her sister deserves it. After all, what had Petunia done to deserve all the attention and good will around town besides dressing like a slag?

*

She chews her lip as she observes him through a curtain of her hair. He's been sitting at the same library table, writing in the same potions book as if he was grading an essay, for three hours now and, even though she probably ought to be preparing for her History of Magic exam, she can't stop looking at him.

There's a look of intense concentration on his face and his hand is moving so elegantly that he suddenly looks incredibly adult.

The butterflies have fled her stomach and have risen to her throat and she gets choked up imagining him sitting at their kitchen table one day, grading potions essays while their children are playing in the living room. She imagines the two of them and the peaceful life of her parents. Wonders if that's something he'd want.

She barely passes History of Magic.

*

She won't do this anymore. She can't. It's time for her happy ending, it's been years, after all.

She figures out which compartment he's in (the one with Alice and Frank and that quiet Hufflepuff boy and the Bones boy) and then she waits for him to be alone for a few moments. Just a few.

Maybe he'll go to the bathroom, or everyone else will and he'll be left alone, but she knows there will be a moment or two where she'll be able to catch him alone and have a word.

So she waits.

And waits.

Eventually, he does leave for the bathroom and she trails him, locking the bathroom door behind herself and cornering him near a urinal.

"Severus" she says, a bit breathless.

His fingers are on his zipper but she's not paying attention to that, not when he looks so shocked, his face so open. She puts her hands on his shoulders, takes a deep breath, and before he can react, leans in.

And then she kisses him.

**Author's Note:**

> Welcoming feedback!


End file.
